How do you know?
How do you know when you are over someone?
SS and I just started dating but I’m scared that as much as I say it I’m actually not over HT.
I feel like I’m angry about her all the time. I’m not certain that I want to be friends with her because I’m still angry and hurt about the way everything ended. HT just left and I’m annoyed by her. I’m annoyed that she’s sleeping with someone else, I’m annoyed that she’s already introduced that person to her friends, I’m annoyed that she came and took the rest of her stuff back but ultimately I think I’m hurt that its really over. I’m hurting and I can’t explain it to anyone because I’m dating my best friend.
I feel like I’m going crazy because I love SS. I love the time we are together, I love that I’m hurt and she loves me enough to help me through it, I love everything about calling her my girlfriend but I’m scared that if I’m not over HT I’ll end up hurting and losing my best friend.
I’ve been on the verge of crying all weekend. Every time I open my mouth tears flow out and I just don’t know how to feel anything other than hurt and betrayed. HT keeps reminding me that when we were together I promised to be there for her but she promised never to make me cry and that’s all she’s doing. That’s all I do is cry…I’m typing this and tears are welling in my eyes. I feel so alone and I know that I shouldn’t. This isn’t me but it depicts how I feel.
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About Me
I made a major change in my life when I moved to California in '08. I got into graduate school so I packed up and left all my friends and family behind. This was really hard for me since I've been in a 5 mile radius of all my schools since 3rd grade and I'm really dependent on my family and friends for emotional support. I created this site initially so that my friends could keep updated on my life...but now it is my safe space. This site is where I can express myself for people to read and maybe learn from so if you don't like it...well I can't help that but this is me!The name of my blog comes from ME! I'm a gay black female whose learning to live on her own and love like I want to...away from the pressures of being the decent obedient daughter. Plus I've got locs not dreads and my favorite flower is a hibiscus...hence a loced flower.
Erykah Badu said it best. "Keep in mind that I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit."
You can leave a comment on my site on the little blue tabs that pop up on the bottom but if you want to email me that's cool too. I'd love to hear from people who read my site.
The blog's email is LOCED.FLOWER@GMAIL.COM
The Characters of my life
HT - The woman I met at school with I moved to Cali. We've been seeing each other since Sept '08 but we aren't in a relationship.
SS - One of my friends from home. She's really my best gay black friend/slash my only one. We've never hooked up but she sometimes alludes to us having sex. We are going to be roommates when she moves out to Cali.
NC - A friend from school. She's super Christian and A type personality which can drive me up a wall but she's a good friend. HT thinks she has a crush on me and I'm starting to think so too.
New Girl - I met her on Downelink and I'm hoping she becomes a friend I can hang out with.
Boston - I met her on Downelink and I'm hoping she becomes a friend I can hang out with. She lives in Boston and is just really chill. We text periodically. I'll hopefully see her when I go home.
Stay Tuned for a List of more people to come into my life
Awesome blogs I read!
A Brown Girl Gone Gay
Princess Baby Dyke
Coughing Up Cake
Freedom Girl
Pink, Chocolate & Sunshine
Living A Loving Life As Wife and Wife
Just Tamara
The Advocate
